running realizations

9 mile run in Hull, MA next to the Atlantic Ocean; June 8, 2012

In April I decided to run a marathon.

It'd been a thought stewing in my brain for years. I'd done a half before, but thought that a full was a good life goal to accomplish. This summer seemed like the perfect opportunity. You may have seen bits and pieces and hints of my running on this blog, but for the most part I've been quiet about it here. 

But it has become a really huge part of my life, and consequently an important part of my identity.  I think it's time I talked about it a little.

When I began this marathon journey (a word I have learned to use from watching too much Bachelor/ette) I did a few things to help me take it really seriously and hopefully be successful. I made up a training calender (based off this one), I wrote down goals, and I started a training log here (which up until now has been private). I think I kept it quiet because I don't want it to seem as though I feel like I know a lot based on just 3 months of training, and also because physical activity can be very emotional, personal and maybe even sensitive.

For example, if you happen to go to my training log you will see that I am dealing with a foot injury - the first that feels significant and the first to actually affect my training schedule. Up until now I had missed only one run (for another luckily-short-lived-injury). I've been getting up extra early 5 days a week for the past 13 weeks, adjusting my schedule, sacrificing and working so that I can feel prepared. It is really tough to feel out of control of the situation and not be able to physically do what I really want to. I am doing everything I can to get this little foot better fast, but appreciate all the support I can get right now - I'm so close to the end - it's the home stretch! With just 5 weeks left until race day, the injury is not just frustrating, but scary. I am crossing my fingers and hoping for the best.

As I have documented my running over the past few months, and had lots of time on while my feet are hitting the pavement to think about what I am doing, I have some ideas on what has worked, what has been hard, and what my strategy and approaches are I've come to some realizations of how my brain and body work. Some of these I have been writing throughout the past little while - so this new injury is even changing my opinion on some things. See! Still just a newbie learning all the time. I consider myself very much a novice and beginner, and I held back sharing my thoughts for a long time because I don't want to sound like I think I've become an expert. I really just want to share and collaborate with other people in a similar running situation or who want to be in a similar running situation. So. Here is what I've learned, with nice little bold inspirational sports words captions for each paragraph:

Commit. Once I set a goal of running a marathon in April, I wrote on the back of my training calendar a few goals. One of those was to never miss a workout. So when 5:15 am comes and I am really enjoying my bed, I just know that it's time to run, not time to sleep - kind of like my parents always said, I have already made the decision so it's not that hard of a choice. Same as making plans, I just factor running in first, and then plan the rest of my day around it. Even as our summer has taken us on trips, I've just made running work - so far I have ran in Vermont, twice in Massachusetts (a month apart), I'm hoping for a run this weekend in Pennsylvania, and by the time I do the marathon I can add Idaho and Utah to the list - and of course New Jersey. If it's a priority, I make time for it, no matter what my plans are (and in doing so have had to learn to enjoy the pre-sunrise 5 am hours of the morning). Having an actual goal, like a race I've signed up for, is helpful too - because it pushes me out the door when I otherwise wouldn't have the motivation to train. Finding a friend to run with is also great, but I like solo runs as well.

Determination. Related to that is the fact that I am my own worst guilter. Meaning, that I won't go back on my own word just because I will torture myself if I do. For example, a few Saturdays ago I had other commitments and my training schedule was off. I equal parts didn't want to run (tired, ornery, hot, late) and did want to run (accomplish my goals, not feel regret, feel prepared), and I let the more positive part win out - and it feels much better in the end. Sometimes determination and guilt can be my worst enemy, as I woke up yesterday unable to run I felt it heavy. I still was able to do an arms and abs work out to compensate for my missed milage, but I still just felt sick about tainting my record and not reaching my goals.

Rewards. Sometimes small goals are nice too, especially with incentives. Finish one week of training, or hit a new mileage and then treat yo self. My rewards are sometimes things I need but also things I want. My incentives ranged from a new pair of shoes (which is really important, take care of those feet!), a nap, new running clothes or regular clothes, a tasty treat... anything that suits your fancy. Sometimes I plan these incentives, and sometimes they are justifications for other spending). :) Even during a run I will make incentives for myself, especially when I first started out - as simple as "If I make it to that street light, I can walk for 10 seconds", or "once I get to the bridge, I can take in the view for a minute". Sometimes running and exercise is great for meditation, when I don't feel like actually exercising (winter blues!). I have a spot I like to run to and then sit there and stretch and think for a while. Sometimes the mind needs the exercise more than the body.

Distractions. Listening to something is very helpful. Sometimes it is music, sometimes NPR shows (This American Life, Radio Lab, and Car Talk are my favorite podcasts), sometimes General Conference or other talks. I try to find things that help me be upbeat and energized, or something to distract my mind from what my body is doing, etc. A few Saturdays ago, in the middle of a hard run, the thing I needed was to listen to the rain fall and hear all the birds, but that only lasted about 2 miles... I think it's hearing myself breathe that is the thing I like to cover up, like I am trying to not let my mind know the secret about me needing more oxygen.

Visualization! I preach it to my lacrosse team all the time, but visualizing can be helpful in running too - it can also be taxing to the brain, so I have to be careful and use it for good and not for bad. I use it mostly for visualizing my routes. If I visualize a route and it feels easy to my brain (even if the mileage might be the same as another route) then I choose the easier. Or, sometimes if I'm struggling I visualize myself finishing that training run, or the marathon finish line, or even (and I know it's vain) picture my legs looking stronger, and toned. On the flip side, I struggle with overthinking things. The biggest reason I run in the early morning is because I have to get it over with or I think about and stress about it all day long.

Planning the route. Plan routes that settle well in your mind, for me - that's big loops that include a park or scenery. Having my GPS Garmin Watch (you can use an iPhone app too) lets me "guesstimate" on how far I need to go and then not worry about it much when I am actually running. Once I find a loop I like, I add or subtract mileage on it based on how far I need to run that day.

Nutrition and fuel. I have had to learn to drink water. I try to keep one at my work desk and try to refill it several times a day. I'm trying to work on eating the right foods for good running fuel also. Paul just got me The Feedzone Cookbook that we feel like will give us good ideas for both the runners and cyclist in our family of two.

Have a support system. Talking to other people who know about running marathons (my mom, dad and Paul) and talking to people who are also training (my sister-in-law Mindy) or reading blogs and running articles, helps me feel supported and motivated. Sometimes when I am struggling with a long run, I will think “Paul will think I’m awesome if I do this in a good time,” and it helps push me when I can’t push myself. Surround yourself with cheerleaders! I will be one if you need it. :) With my current injury, people who have experience with marathon training have been comforting me in letting me know it's not going to ruin all the training I've done up until now, and that resting an injury is better in the end - because they dealt with injuries too, and it ended up ok.

Lastly, I think I just learned that running is difficult, but it's doable. I don't know if I will ever be to a place that running feels comfortable - I think that is the point of it. We could sit or walk to be comfortable, running is to get our body to a place it doesn't usually go! And, maybe it feels uncomfortable during it - but there is no denying the satisfaction of a good sweat, or the sore muscles, or the mental boost. I highly recommend it.

(This next paragraph I wrote pre-foot injury):
I've been lucky to have very little injury the past 3 months, I had a few days with an Achilles pain, and iced the heck out of that guy, and I've had hip pain here and there, but do strengthening exercises that really do help. I hope my body keeps it up for the next 5 weeks because I really feel like I'm on a roll. I feel like I've accomplished a lot but still have a lot to look forward to achieving.

So let me write a new closing paragraph, as that "on a roll" feeling left me flat against a brick wall on Wednesday when the pain in my foot put my plans on hold:

Running has taught me a lot about myself and what I am capable of. It's also forced me to let go of control sometimes, a lesson I really need. I've become faster and stronger over the past few months, and even though it's been hard, sometimes lonely, and right now frustrating -- I really recommend it.